A few weeks ago, I got a message from a young lady in Australia who had lost her mum some years back.
The 10th Anniversary of her mum’s death was approaching and she was starting to feel nervous. I could relate to these feelings, I experienced the same feeling for years until one year I completely forgot about the day, despite my anxiety leading up to it.
Anyway, so I shared a few ideas with this young lady on how to cope with these feelings and how to ‘prepare’ for this looming day, with the caveat that it’s absolutely fine to also just chill and do nothing.
These tips are also helpful for other special occasions {Birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s/Father’s Day etc}:
- Visit the grave site, memorial site, or other place where you go to remember your loved one, you can take some flowers or a small plant. If your loved one wasn’t buried, perhaps you may want to visit or spend time in a place where you feel close to your loved one.
- In the early years, actually maybe 3-4yrs after my mum’s death, I found it comforting watching videos of her funeral. Very strange I know. First I watched videos of my dad’s funeral, then I could see ‘live’ images of my mum and hear her voice. After awhile, I got the courage to watch her own video. I would sit and watch when no one was home, it was just my own way of dealing with my loss. Of course I sobbed watching the videos but I also felt connected to her. Unfortunately those video tapes are gone now
- Volunteer with a charity or cause close to your loved ones heart. I volunteer with a couple of bereavement charities and I’m always passionate about supporting bereaved children.
- Plan a memorial service or candle light vigil. My mum did something similar for my dad’s anniversaries. Infact we often had prayer sessions and made a special meal (bean cake) and shared this with our neighbours back in Nigeria.
- Reach out to someone else grieving the loss via letter, card, phone call, or e-mail. It can be helpful reminiscing with someone who was also close to your loved one. I often wondered about catching up with my mum’s best friends, those who knew her before she even got married and had kids.
- Host a dinner party and invite those who knew your loved ones best. I saw a post on Instagram recently where a lovely woman had planned her brother’s post-humorous 50th birthday in grand style. It was an intimate family affair but planned with so much elegance.
- Read old notes, letters, or e-mails from your loved one. Alternatively you could write your loved one a letter, sharing your experiences in the past year with them.
- Distract yourself by getting together with friends and/or work colleagues or taking a short trip.
- Make a keepsake box of things that remind you of your loved one. You can also order a Letters of Hope Memory box. Please email hello@lettersofhope.org.uk with your enquiry stating your location.
- I also just discovered pebble/stone decorating. Very therapeutic for children and adults
- One of the creative activities we do with families I work with, is releasing balloons (biodegradable balloons available) with a special note for your loved one.
I hope you find 1 or 2 ideas that resonates with you. Please feel free to share with others.
If you’re reading this and would like to send a gift package to a friend on the anniversary of their loved’s one death, please feel free to get in touch (hello@lettersofhope.org.uk), we have gift packages starting from as low as £5.
Keep Keeping On xx
{Photo by Tatiana Niño on Unsplash}
WOW!
This is an eye-opener Ope. I shall share this with someone who needs this.
This is really detailed.
Love it
Thank you for stopping by Ayo and Yes please do share 🙂
Wow. this is one aspect of life that is so real but hardly spoken about, thanks for these tips.
yes i think you should totally reach out to your mum’s friends. i believe they will be pleased to connect with you.
Awww thanks Dets Mama, unfortunately most of them are no longer with us (I think) and not been in touch with any in at least over 20 odd years, but i’ll try my best…
Thank you for this piece Ope. Got me thinking …… xx
Hugs Emi, thanks for stopping by xx