Grief & Time

Posted on by lohm_ope_1

2019 is swiftly going by…we’re already at the end of the very first month

So much has happened in my world and I’m sure the same can be said for yours.

Some of you may have experienced bereavement leading up to this year or even in this month, please accept my condolences. I pray that you will experience peace that surpasses your understanding, even when life doesn’t make sense, may your hope for the future be restored and renewed.

One of the many questions I get asked about grief is “when will this pain end?” or another variation is “Does it get easier in time?”

So I’d like to share my personal experience with you 🙂

It has been over twenty years since my mum died, I actually have to think deeply to recount the years… okay so it was 25 years last summer.

Have I forgotten about her? Ofcourse not

Is she part of my daily thoughts? Not anymore

Have I had seasons where I thought of her continuously? Yes

Is my loss easier to cope with now? Yes

About 5 years ago when I had my son, I had moments when I was depressed and desperately wanted my mum to be around me, for physical support as well as emotional support.

Two years later when I had my second child, my experience was completely different, I guess motherhood was no longer daunting, I wasn’t crying endlessly wishing my mum would just show up.. lol.. like seriously?!! I would scream and run as fast as my legs would go if she turned up

Why am I sharing this? What seems insurmountable today will not be the case tomorrow, it does getter better with time. I know so. I’ve learnt so and I believe if it can happen for me, it will get better for you too. #HoldOn

Do take one day at a time and allow yourself to grieve, go through the process, the emotions.

No two people grieve in exactly the same way and it may take you longer to accept your loss. It may take you longer than your family members, but that doesn’t mean you’re coping better or worse….it just means you are being YOU.

If you would like resources on coping with grief, either for yourself or someone else including young children, please reach out via email: hello@lettersofhope.org.uk

#BeEncouraged

Photo by takahiro taguchi on Unsplash

12 Lessons I Learnt on Grief from Tobiloba Ajayi

Posted on by lohm_ope_1
Tobilola Ajayi was a speaker at the Rising Event – “When Life Goes Low, We Rise Up!”, hosted by Mrs Bola Essien-Nelson in Nigeria.
Tobiloba shared from her experience of grief over the years, especially losing her mum, her main caregiver at a young age. Tobiloba is a writer, a lawyer and an advocate for those living with disabilities. She is the founder of “The Let CP Children Learn Project”, which promotes mainstream education for children with Cerebral Palsy in Nigeria ( https://letcpkidslearn.com/)
Here are the key messages I learnt from Tobi’s talk at Rising, please feel free to share them with others.
  • Life is extremely short, no time for pettiness. No time for squabbling. Make the most of your time on earth.
  • You cannot afford to live by the opinion/expectation of others. The only person whose opinion matters is God.
  • Get over your self. Focus! Life is too short to be thinking of yourself. Think about how you can make a difference to others
  • Don’t allow anyone to legislate your grief. Grieve on your own timeline. We can and should question God. Express yourself openly to Him.
  • No experience in life is wasted. God can use it for your good, for His glory, to help others
  • Death is not the end of the journey. It’s a rest stop, so no need to be afraid of death
  • Your body is dust. You should be more concerned of your soul
  • God is not an egocentric Father. He’s not taking you through this journey for His own glory, but for others, for the generations to come…
  • He comforts you so you can go ahead and comfort others.
  • Don’t short circuit your grief process
  • We receive healing by faith
  • It is okay to cry and grieve, Jesus wept!
I hope this encourages you on your journey of faith and hope.
Blessings,
Ope x