What I learnt from the BET show

I was watching the BET awards with my husband recently and there was a special award given to Smokie Robinson – The Soul Legend!

Prior to him being given this award – there was a short clip of some of his most popular songs. The voice over lady mentioned Smokie’s songs will pass the test of time simply because we will all experience love, heartbreak and whatever life throws at us.

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Great Role Models

I once heard someone say that many orphans and bereaved children don’t succeed in life due to a lack of parental guidance and cover. That has definitely not been my story and it doesn’t have to be yours either.

There’s a saying that it “takes a village to raise a child” – that has most certainly been my experience. Yes, there’s a place for parental guidance but there are so many other people that God has placed in your life that can make a positive impact on your development.

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Dark Nights

The Dark nights or storms we experience in life can vary from the loss of a dear one, a prolonged period of uncertainty, perhaps even a job loss, difficult or broken relationships, challenges with one’s health or that of a loved one.  During these seasons, it is likely that we become depressed, we may experience doubts or even distance ourselves from God, depending on our personal relationship with God.

We may start to lose Hope especially if we have unanswered questions!

Everyone will experience these ‘dark’ seasons at some point, No one is immune from it. The nature of our storms may vary and even the duration may vary, however we must remember that after the storm comes the CALM. Storms do NOT last forever.  What we must learn to do is prepare as much as we can and hold on to God.

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Parenting as a Motherless Mother!

Please accept my apologies that it’s been a little quiet here, I should have posted this last week Friday but life got in the way, I’m hoping you understand and will forgive me 😉

So here we go, I was privileged to be given the opportunity to write a guest blog post on Sarah Hamaker’s website.  Sarah Hamaker is a Parenting Coach, I have been following since the start of this year, she has inspired by Parenting in many ways and will continue to do so as we share similar values.

If you are a Motherless Daughter aspiring to be a mother someday, or you’re a motherless mother needing some encouragement, then this post is certainly for you.

I encourage you to read on and share with those who are dear to you.

Happy Reading.

Parenting as a Motherless Mother

 

 

#BeEncouraged

 

Grieving is Natural!

It’s the price we pay for our love for others. The closer you are to someone, the more likely you are to mourn and grieve their death. In my case, the pain I experienced after losing my Mum was much greater than the experience of losing my Dad for various reasons (See Interview I did last month), however one specific reason was because I had grown closer to my mum, obviously having had her around for much longer.

Shock, disbelief, confusion, depression, emptiness, and anger are all part of the grieving  process, and I share more about these emotions in my book – ‘Letters of Hope – Encouragement for the Bereaved Child’

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Good Good Father

He’s Good Good Father!

I’m not talking about my biological father, although he was a very good man. I was unfortunate to have only known him for 6 years before he passed away (Dance With My Father)

I am talking about my Heavenly Father!

You see for me, it’s easy to talk about God as my Father, because He has been constant in my life.  When I think about a Father – The thoughts swimming through my head are:

  • Provider
  • Protector
  • Deliverer/Saviour like a Superhero kinda guy
  • Teacher
  • Helper
  • Friend

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Abide with me

Abide With Me – Such a popular hymn!

A few days ago, I was watching ‘Songs of Praise’ (BBC programme) and the lyrics of this hymn comforted me, they reassured me that no matter what trials I face – God is with me.

It’s no wonder it’s such a popular hymn!

It’s played at weddings & funerals.

It’s traditionally sung at the FA Cup Final before the kick-off of the match.

On Sept 21, 2001 it was unforgettably played at Ground Zero by a Salvation Army band during the commemoration of the September 11 attacks.

It also features in a number of films…

As you read and ponder on the lyrics below, I pray that you are comforted and strengthened in your walk with God. When you abide in Him, He will abide with you and you will triumph!

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;
Earth’s joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

Not a brief glance I beg, a passing word,
But as Thou dwell’st with Thy disciples, Lord,
Familiar, condescending, patient, free.
Come not to sojourn, but abide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile,
And though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee.
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

(Lyrics by Henry Francis Lyte)

P:S – My Daddy was a sailor so this video is just perfect!!!

#BeEncouraged

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Dance With My Father Again

I can go an entire week, maybe even weeks and not think of my Dad, as I was quite young when he passed away, and prior to that, he travelled a lot due to the nature of his work. So my memories of him are limited yet vivid and significant.

One of my favourite memories of my Dad was dancing with him at the celebration of life (funeral) party for my Grandad. My papa was the eldest of 9 children and had come home to give his Dad, my grandad, a befitting send-off.

I remember that after the party was over, a couple of my dad’s friends and his brothers stayed back. I don’t recall any of my siblings being around but I was with my Dad, listening in on his banter with his friends, watching as he played a local game (Ayo) with them whilst drinking. Then the village drummers came by to serenade him with some music. He got up and so did I, naturally, as I was sitting on his lap.

We began dancing together, moving to the rhythm of the beats…we were being cheered on by his friends and I danced with so much energy like I didn’t care that people were watching; I had absolutely no inhibitions. The louder they cheered, the more erratic my moves. It was the best feeling in the whole wide world. I don’t think I’ve danced like that since then. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I was drunk and intoxicated with the local wine, but of course not, I hadn’t even had a drop of the wine, I was only 6 years old. I was drunk in love, in love with my Daddy. The one who named me ‘Eyimatofopeoluwa’ (this is enough to thank God for); he was so thankful to God for my safe arrival after a difficult birth, I was his last child – the child of his middle age.

My siblings jest that I wasn’t planned but I know God had it all planned out. Anyway back to this party, I was happy to have all of my Daddy’s attention on me. As I mentioned earlier, he often travelled, so I cherished every moment I could spend with him. So you can imagine my grief, the brokenness of my fragile heart, when I was called to the headmaster’s office barely weeks after I had been summoned to the same office to be told of my grandad’s death, except this time it was Daddy. I thought noooo, noo way. This has got to be a joke, but it wasn’t.

I haven’t danced like that since my grandad’s party. I’d love to dance with my Daddy again, to run into his arms and give him a big hug. To sit with him and tell him all I have achieved, the struggles I have overcome, the challenges I still face. How I’d love him to meet my nephews, nieces and my own son.

It has been 28 years, my grief hasn’t completely gone away, BUT my pain eases with time or so I think, until a major event happens in my life and then the tears stream down my face usually unexpectedly…because I long for my daddy, to be kissed on the forehead, patted on the back, maybe even scolded for my mischievousness.

I am sharing this part of my story, my pain, to let you know – I’m willing to be your friend and share my bereavement journey with you. I’m willing to walk with you as you face your own challenges. Yes, grief is unique to each individual but they say talking helps, so why don’t you drop me an email when you’re ready to talk – hello@lettersofhope.org.uk and if you’re not ready just yet, you can get a copy of my book ‘Letters of Hope’ from www.lettersofhope.org.uk
I share some practical tips on dealing with grief in my book. I hope you find it helpful.

“Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on”
– Bill Withers, Lean On Me

#BeEncouraged

Happy Anniversary Daddy – I miss you!

Every detail matters!

You may ask to whom?

Every detail of your life matters to God, the One who created the universe. The One who’s got the whole world in His hands.

When you lose a loved one, you tend to worry more about the big issues of life – like paying bills (if you’re an adult) or where you’d end up living, you may even be consumed with the fear of dying.

But I want to encourage you today that you can also trust God with the little things that bother you or those around you.

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Hello

Welcome to my blog!

I look forward to connecting with you, especially if you’re a teenager who has experienced bereavement, or perhaps you’re someone who lives with a bereaved child or supports bereaved children.  If you’re an adult who experienced childhood bereavement, there’ll be something here for you too.

I’ll be sharing a bit about my bereavement journey, my faith – my walk with God and some coping strategies.

If there’s a specific topic you’d like me to write about, please feel free to drop me a quick message via the Contact page.

Watch out for my 1st blog post coming soon!

#BeEncouraged

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